I would never have thought I would leave the Roman Catholic Church, let alone the priesthood. If anyone had predicted this to me, I would have thought it impossible for such a thing to happen.
At the age of 15 I entered the Salesian order and at the right time I was ordained a priest. I worked especially with young people and I really enjoyed this work. Then, after almost ten years as a priest, the superior father imposed a punishment on me, sending me to Rome for a month to do spiritual exercises. The reason for this punishment was this: I had shared with him that I had fallen in love with a young woman. I had broken off my relationship in part because I wasn't sure if I really loved her, but also because I had dedicated my life to God and wasn't ready to withdraw my commitment.
Of course, there was a great deal of pride and selfishness behind my decision. It would have been somewhat humiliating for me to have to confess that I had been "unfaithful" to my priestly vocation.
In fact, I had asked my superior to move me to another monastery, but instead of giving me a moral sermon as a father, he gave me the letter informing me of my punishment. I knew that this shame would mark me for the rest of my life, and that from now on I would always be seen with a certain suspicion.
About life under church law
During the month of punishment spent in Rome, thoughts of despair and bitterness filled me. Sometimes I wanted to run, no matter where. At other times I longed to return to my work in Naples. I went through moments of deep depression. I cried out to the Lord in prayer, but there was nothing in me or around me. I felt completely alone, like in a prison, tormented by the conviction that I had been unjustly punished.
The monastery was located on Monte Celio, a hill near ancient Rome, overlooking the entire city and the Colosseum. From there I could follow the ordinary life that went to my feet. I could see people walking and enjoying being together, and I wondered if they were really doing something that displeased God. I wish I could mingle with them. How I longed to be able to take off my black clothes, my cassock - which made me feel like an unreal person - and to be a normal person like everyone else!
Finally I confessed to an old priest and explained to him what was going on inside me. He advised me to write to my superior and ask his permission to return to my old job. My superior replied that I must endure all these unpleasant experiences as penance for my sin and infidelity. However, he allowed me to leave the monastery during the day.
That's what I did. I did not go through Rome as a pilgrim who wants to visit the city, as he had clearly intended, but as a tourist. I bought color magazines and newspapers, but they did not satisfy me. In addition, I used the opportunity to seek the advice of many other priests. Their reasoning always ends at the same point: I should never have told my superior the problem, but kept quiet. My superior had acted only as prescribed in the Church Law, even though he had interpreted the paragraphs as harshly as possible.
When I returned to Naples, I did not resume my work there but went to my parents.
The teaching of Rome is contrary to Scripture
During my stay in Rome, I spent some time comparing Roman Catholic teachings to the Bible. I had noticed on this occasion that the Church, in order to strengthen its teachings had quoted from the Bible incorrectly and dishonestly.
I had been taught that I must give credence to the Roman Catholic Church only because only through it could I find Christ. According to Roman Catholic teaching, to obey Christ means to submit to Christ's substitute on earth, and therefore to the pope.
However, as I read the gospels in "my cell of punishment," I saw that this teaching was contrary to what was written there.
In search of the truth
In Rome I browsed through the phone book several times and looked for addresses of Protestant churches, although at the time I was still quite skeptical of Protestants.
The only reason I was inclined to contact Protestants was to help me leave my Church and start a new life. I never thought they could help me in my spiritual struggles.
During my stay with my family in Naples, it occurred to me again to contact the Protestants, and I began to wonder if their faith might not be true after all. Although at that time I was allowed to perform all my priestly duties again, in a period of seven months I read the liturgy only about twenty times, I listened to the confession a few more times, and I did not like to preach at all.
One Sunday, instead of going to Mass, I took a walk around town. During the walk I discovered a display case displaying books on various biblical topics.
Next to it was the entrance to an evangelical assembly. Fearing to make a sensation because of my priestly clothes, I did not dare to enter, but later called the preacher and explained my case to him in a personal discussion.
He put me in touch with several former Roman Catholic priests who helped me a lot. But I was not yet ready to leave the Church. I did not want to make a decision under the influence of my recent punishment. So I resumed my duties as a priest and spiritual leader of the youth. But although I devoted myself to all the energy of my religious assignments, I felt more and more repulsed by them.
I no longer believed in the liturgy, nor in confession. I spoke several times with my new superior, who was very worried that I had turned so much to Protestantism. He advised me to pray a lot to Mary, saying that she would help me regain my faith.
"You have to be born again"
However, eventually my departure from the priesthood became inevitable. I soon left the city of Naples and went to Velp in the Netherlands, where I was received in a well-known place of refuge for former priests. In this house, as a result of reading the Bible and asking God for forgiveness and help, I came to know Christ personally. We have experienced that conversion which Christ says is necessary: "You must be born again" (John 3: 7). “And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.(John 3: 14-16).
Every birth involves effort and pain. Twenty years of monastic life, the study of Roman Catholic theology, and my stubborn character proved to be great obstacles in my search for God and in finding Him. But in the end, I gave in to the Lord, surrendered to Him as a child, and said simply, "Lord, I believe."
Since then, the Lord has never disappointed me. He strengthened my faith through both joy and suffering, and He truly proved to be a living and personal Friend and Savior.
Renato di Lorenzo was active in the work of the Lord Jesus Christ and after he retired. He was the preacher of an evangelical congregation in Sondrio, Italy.
(Translator: Olimpiu S. Cosma)
[Source: bereanbeacon.org]
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