Each life comes fresh from the hand of God and unfolds in a unique way from its beginning to the end. Mine has been no different from the people who have come and gone through the ages. I was born into an Irish catholic family the third generation moved from the days of immigration to that of potato excuses. My mother, however, dated back to the days of the French Revolution where she came from and was raised among Baptists and Methodists until she married my father and converted to Catholicism by making that commitment.
Catholic education
Except for occasional church attendance with my parents, I was introduced to God when I began attending a Catholic school in Jersey City, New Jersey, in the first grade. (I only remember a lay teacher, a very loving young woman with an artificial leg, who taught me in the third grade.)
My first grade teacher was kind, an elderly saint. Dressed in the clothes of the religious order where she belonged. I treasure the short moments when Sister Angelica would hold me in her lap and give me the affection of a mother. While I was learning of the Lord Jesus Christ and of his death on the cross of Calvary, I made a point of giving my life to Him, too, as a member of the same religious order. Through the years in elementary school I ardently participated in different religious activities presented to me as to please God who I was to know and serve fully and in all possible purity.
Many times I did "the nine Fridays" imagining how God could accept all the indulgences credited to my account. An Advent prayer said every day during Lent carried a complete indulgence. I started going to mass daily when I was in the seventh grade. He attended the novenas to Mary and St. Francis of Assisi. I prayed to San Cristóbal for trips, to San Antonio for lost items, and to San Judas for hopeless cases.
Preparation for the convent
During seventh grade a young woman came to the school to talk about the preparatory school run by the religious order stationed at our school. My desire to serve God found immediate application as she explained that this school accepted girls after they graduated from eighth grade.
My father was very proud of me and told his relatives that they were a deeply Irish family. There hadn't been a "calling" since one of their aunt had been a nun somewhere in Pennsylvania.
The four years of high school passed quickly as I followed a strong, academic regimen accompanied with a rigorous plan of prayer and religious studies. Among the spiritual experiences in those years, two in particular stand out. When we were confronted with possible changes in time we interceded through Mary singing a beautiful Gregorian melody over her. "Magnificat" If the sun was shining in the room then we would give it credit. Another Marian devotion, we prayed the rosary every afternoon after lunch. I found a book called the "Novenas del Rosario", which contained meditations on the fifteen ministries of the rosary and took me out of the monotony out of reciting the ten "Ave Maria" by mystery. We recited them, five mysteries at the same time, grouped as the joy, sadness, and glorious mysteries of the rosary. The life, death and resurrection of Jesus were focused on the "Blessed Virgin Mary."
During those years I dedicated my life to the Lord Jesus Christ through Mary after reading the books about St. Louis DeMontford who advocated this method of intercession. The Lord Jesus Christ seemed to be very far away for us. Maria was more on our level as an imperfect being. Meanwhile they said that she had been conceived without "original sin" and had lived a perfect life. His model seemed to be more important or of more value than Jesus for the purposes of our emulation. She was named "co-redeemer" along with Jesus. After all, she was present at the feet of Christ when he died.
Religious education
While I was graduating from high school, I was accepted to apply to the Sisters of Charity of Saint Elizabeth at Convant Station, New Jersey. I had a wonderful year studying freshmen courses in college and waiting at the tables for the girls from the college for their meals.
During the following year I began to be a novice. This was a year of training in preparation for formal entry into the community where he would take the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. Only the studies of religion and religious music were allowed with different choirs in the mother house. Silence was observed only during recreation periods, one hour in the afternoons and at night and on special occasions ordered by superiors. The philosophy of the lady, the woman who was in charge of the forty-five of us, was to break any idea that arose in each one of us during that year. She always did this with accusations of wrongdoing, some real, but most imaginary, to each of us the same publicly and privately. Humiliation was the weapon for training in sanctification. On one occasion I received "public punishment" and had to recite Psalm 51 kneeling in front of the assembly after nine prayers. Keeping the rules perfectly was the answer to being perfect. Punishment erased any imperfections. It was the greatest form of sanctification that a lay person could achieve. But the training method prevented any hope for the current one to achieve the goal.
At the end of the year, I was convinced that I could not reach "holiness." Sister Patricia emulated the few that had had “coversion”. Although I prayed fervently enough, as I knew, and tried to appear the most holy to please her, I left the novitiate convinced that there was something wrong with me. But I believe that this is the best way to serve God. I knew of no other way to serve God without reservation. So I took my vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience at the end of the year. Now he had to live according to the rules of the congregation. "Those who live by the rules, to live for God." Despite the constant disappointment eating into my soul, I made up my mind to serve God the best I could. That was all he could accomplish.
Life as a nun
After two additional years of college study on the grounds of the mother's home, I was awarded a Bachelor of Science degree from Saint Elizabeth College. This was followed by the task of teaching biology in a diocesian high school. During the summer I acquired a master's degree from the Catholic University of Washington, D.C. During the school years, along with teaching work, including control of curricular activities, I obtained federal aid for additional studies related to my teachings, visiting local colleges and universities in free time.
Life was more than just being busy and I began to gain self-esteem. At one point a priest who was stationed at the high school teaming up a drug résumé with him. We became friends, but I was not ready to be led into a relationship other than friendship. After eating together in a "restaurant" one afternoon, he took me to the rectory room and closed the door. I saw clearly that he wanted more than friendship. I requested to be moved to another school, but he kept looking for me. He then proposed to me during my first year in my new position. I began to think about leaving the convent. Shortly thereafter, he received permission to do his advanced studies and change his proposal for his relationships between the limitations of a religious lifestyle.
Shortly after that experience, I was working as a director on a retreat. I was more than friendly opinions from another priest who was preaching at the retreat. That finalized my decision to leave religious life. This was my 29th birthday weekend.
A permanent absence
My world fell apart. I had worked hard for several years now to strengthen my self esteem and be truly pleasing to God, only to see clearly that I could not continue in this kind of life. I could see, in the first place, the hypocrisy that made me keep the vows was ridiculous. I began the process of contacting superiors and making the necessary arrangements for a mandatory absence, knowing that I would never return to religious life.
In the basement of the convent, I secretly wrote summaries and letters to the superintendent of public schools. My family made it clear to me that I would not return home or ask for their help. A friend I met while teaching at the new school offered me to stay at his house while he and his wife and two children went on a business trip. Last summer I had worked at a pharmaceutical firm as a microfrological researcher and was able to return to that position at the end of the school year. A retired teacher was selling used furniture. The congregation to which I belonged regulated two hundred dollars to me, which by contract of law they had to give me. To enter the group, he had, as a requirement, to pay a fee that was considered a form of dowry recalling medieval times. I was asked to stay in the convent until my pension ended at the end of August, because Sister Nicoletta was waiting for my room. I was supposed to leave on the fifteenth. Fortunately, I was chosen before June 15 to a public high school, near my parents' home.
I stayed at my friends' house for summer work and then I moved into an apartment with my furniture, it's a hundred dollars. In September I started teaching at the public high school.
Six months later I signed the papers for Rome to release me from my perpetual vows. The superior told me that this was just a piece of paper, but I had seen it as a commitment to God. I had missed the opportunity to serve Him in the best way that I thought possible. Now I was a layman, disappointed in the possibility of total sanctification.
Marriage
Living alone in an apartment brought me all kinds of loneliness. After rejecting the company of other women, I lost the opportunity to live with others in daily life. Getting married was the only answer, but most of my age were all married. The options became less during the years that I spent cloistered in the convent. I contacted a friend who had left two years before me. She suggested joining a dating service, as a member of the congregation had done and married a very chivalrous man. After a year of networking through this service, I was introduced to Briant Doran. The moment our gazes met, a deep and stable relationship began to form.
As we returned to my apartment on the first day, Briant shared his idea of attending a high school boarding school to prepare and be a priest. A friend suggested that he wait until he got out of high school. It became clear to Briant that celibacy was not for him. Then I shared my sixteen years of being associated with the Sisters of Charity of Saint Elizabeth. He had assisted the staff of the higher school for the same Order and knew many of the nuns with whom I had been related in my years of affiliation with them. In fact, we grew up in the same city in different parishes without knowing each other. The man had been raised by an Irish Catholic family and considered himself in the generation of one of his cousins as bishop over the diocese in Connectticut. Another cousin, John Doran, had become a priest in New Jersey and eighteen months later we would be married.
First introduction to the truth
During the months of their courtship, Briant told me about Tom, who had left the Catholic Church. Briant even though he was a estranged Catholic at that time tried to convince Tom to return to his Catholic faith. While working together, Tom took Briant to his church where Briant learned a new and different way of looking at the things of God. The pastor made it clear in the service he attended. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). "There is not one righteous, not even one" (Rom. 3:10), and "All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags" (Isaiah 64: 6). By ourselves we are permanently estranged from God. Only the blood of Jesus Christ shed on the cross of Calvary can jsutify us before God and "By his stripes we were saints" (Isaiah 53: 5).
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord ”(Rom. 6:23). The Bible was presented as the only source of faith and life.
Briant answered the invitation to accept the Lord Jesus Christ by faith alone, for his salvation. “Because by grace we are saved through faith, and this not from you; it is the gift of God, not of works, so that no one can boast "(Ephesians 2: 8-9). Behold, God is my salvation; I will make sure and I will not fear; for my strength and my song is Jehovah, who has been my salvation. " "You will draw water with joy from the springs of salvation" (Isaiah 12: 2-3).
Immediately he saw the need to make this message clear to those in the Catholic Church who were trusting my works to justify themselves before God. And the saddest part about doing works is that you can never be sure, when the person dies, if you have done enough works to get into heaven. So through the system of indulgences that are left at the funeral home for people in grief of loss, people spend their money buying these cards in hopes of praying to help the deceased enter the kingdom of heaven. "And as it is established for men to die once, and after this the judgment" (Hebrews 9:27). Salvation must be assured through the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ for sins before the person dies.
Fate is sealed at the moment of death
It was clear to Briant that salvation is by faith alone, by the merits of the Lord Jesus Christ alone. A perfect sacrifice has been offered for the remission of sins, once for all. There is no more need for priests because we have the High Priest Who is able to identify with us in our weaknesses and who has passed through heaven and who is seated at the right hand of Almighty God the Father interceding for us. “And certainly every priest is day after day ministering and offering the same sacrifices many times, which can never take away sins; but Christ, having once for all offered a single sacrifice for sins, has sat at the right hand of God, henceforth waiting until his enemies are made his footstool;
Briant then enrolled in the new induction program for married deacons in the Catholic Church. We had already been married for a year and our first child was three months old at that time. For eighteen months Briant faithfully attended classes two nights a week in the diocese offices. He was known for his "Protestant insights" in the authority of Scripture, Mary, purgatory, birth control, and other areas of faith. For Briant, only “Because there is only one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Jesus Christ” (I Timothy 2: 5). The intercession of Mary and the saints and the absolution of the priests were powerless when the Word of God was studied. When he told the priest he led that he was trying as a deacon to tell the people of the grace at no cost that he did receive through the shedding of blood from the Lord Jesus Christ by faith alone, they laughed at him and called him a "Jesus fanatic" . Briant realized there was no future for him on the show and decided to leave the Roman Catholic Church.
Hiding the Truth
We marvel at the obvious knowledge of the truth coupled with the deliberate denial of it by the church hierarchy. Briant spoke about the responsibility of leading so many lives for hell by denying him access to the truth. Anyone who stood up for the truth was ridiculed and kept quiet. There was no alternative but to leave a system so engulfed in lies for hundreds of years. Not one life, not many lives, will be able to change the course of such a large organization. John Wycliffe, John Hus, Martin Luther, John Calvin, and many others have been able to do more than lead those chosen by God out of the lies of the Roman Catholic Church and into the biblical truth of salvation and all truth.
Briant's conviction
Briant chose a church with biblical beliefs near my home. As one separated from Catholicism he saw things clearly. Because of the depth of my commitment to the Catholic Church, it would take me more time to discern the truth in God's Word, in addition to the diabolical system of Rome. Even though I was convinced that the Catholic Church was in error in some of its doctrines. I learned to take their mistakes calmly and believe that the church can be in error and in the truth. I was able to read the contributions of Hans Kungs, infallibility, and I came to the conclusion that the Pope is not always well when he speaks outside.
As I had read the Acts of the Apostles, I was convinced that the church of the first century had the correct format and it saddened me that today it was not the same. We have been taught that the Protestant Church were mere corruptions of the Catholic Church, commonly referred to as the true Church founded by Saint Peter as mentioned in the Gospels. “And I also tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church; and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it ”(Matthew 16:18). I believe, I was forced to accept a less than perfect church because the "idea" has not existed since the first century after Christ. How does this small group of Christians, whom my husband has chosen to meet and who in 1979 met in a renovated chicken coop, approximate the ideal of Scripture?
Biblical Truth vs. Catholic Doctrine
Through a Christian radio program I came to know of a ministry dedicated only to those of the Catholic faith. I wrote to Bart Brewer of the International Mission for Catholics. Listening to his interviews on the radio, I became aware of the difficulties he faced leaving the Catholic Church. He has studied twice in Bible colleges in search of knowing the true doctrine and rejecting Catholic doctrines. Yes, that was me. He sent books and pamphlets that clearly explained the differences in biblical beliefs and Catholic doctrines. I began to understand.
There was the doctrine of salvation that is by faith alone, the need to meditate solely on Jesus' life, death, and resurrection only for salvation. And how they opened my eyes when I read Paul saying in I Timothy 4: 1-3, “But the Spirit clearly says that in the last days some will apostatize from the faith, listening to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, because of hypocrisy. of liars who, having their conscience seared, will forbid marrying and will order abstain from food that God created so that believers and those who have known the truth may participate in them with thanksgiving ”. Certainly this describes the teachings that I had thought came from God because they were taught by what I believed was the church of God.
Truth and lies cannot be together. Either we believe that the Word of God is the infallible rule of faith or we accept the contradictions to the Scriptures taught by the Roman Catholic Church or one day join the father of lies. Satan himself, in the lake of fire that is eternally cursed and separated from God who has prepared a sure path of faith for us that leads us to eternal glory with Him for all who have believed only in the Word of God and not in mere doctrines of men.
My eyes were opened
Finally, I was able to share the multitude of lies from the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. The Bible can provide us with all that is needed for doctrine and practice. “All Scripture was given under the inspiration of God, and it is useful to teach and rebuke, to correct and educate in a life of righteousness. (II Timothy 3:16). I can trust the work of the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross of Calvary only for my salvation and sanctification. I acknowledge that the works have been prepared for us to do. “Because God made us; He has created us in Christ Jesus to do good works, according to what He has appointed beforehand ”(Ephesians 2:10). It is God who works in us in our will and our doing.
Baptism of believers
After the birth of our great son, Briant and I were renamed again. He waited patiently for me, until I reached him. We had been baptized as infants, the Bible clearly tells us that baptism is a sign of faith in Jesus Christ and that it must be done conscientiously as a commitment before Him. "Then Peter answered them: Change your attitude before God, and be baptized every one in the name of Jesus Christ, so that their sins may be forgiven; and so God will give them the Holy Spirit ”(Acts 3:38).
Home Ministry
A short time later an uncle of Briant died. He loved him very much, but was convinced that perhaps he had died without knowing the Lord Jesus Christ for his salvation. He longed to stop working and enter the ministry fully but later became convinced that he was better looking after his family and children. He thought that the ministry could be of some conflict for his family and his children. He decided to open a place to make soups so that he could “feed the poor and bring the Gospel to them. Briant as the priest of the hearth, he opened his house for people who had nowhere to stay. The pastor gave him literature related to what he was going to do and referred some who had that need for a period of four years around the birth of our third and fourth children.
Mother all the time
We saw the need for “motherhood” in the children's home. I resigned from my position in the public school. “If Jesus is Lord in your life, He is also Lord when you have your children. Briant explained. We will let God decide when to fill the quiver; "The just shall live by faith" (Habakkuk 2: 4).
Two of our children attended a Christian school until "daddy unemployment was doable." We found out that our first child had a learning disability. The best solution was to teach him at home. A wonderful experience of lessons and travel and partnering with other families began to emerge.
After fifteen years of being employed by an air cargo company as a manager, Birant was fired after many months of working overtime, trying to keep his position. After that company was sold, it was evident that it was sold for financial reasons.
Briant was adamant that I continue as a homemaker. He said, “that the mother is the heart of the home. Satan is destroying the family, God will provide through me. Then he was unemployed and the jobs did not last more than eight months. He said that God was testing him. It was when their fourth child was born that they first enjoyed health insurance.
Final collapse
Briant turned his career to insurance sales where he had some experience. We refinanced the house in order to have some money, but from time to time, friends helped us with our needs. We went bankrupt but remained in our home, we had used it for the glory of God when we hosted those in need. Briant said that God did not give talents and then take them away. He multiplied them. He was adamant that he was not going to lose the house. Psalm 30: 9 began to be his prayer to God “What profit is there in my death when I go down to the grave? Will the dust praise you? Will it announce your truth? He was convinced that God would bring him out in victory.
Briant's testimony continued as Briant worked his third job on Friday nights. He suffered a heart attack which brought him into the presence of the Lord he loved. His friend Tom who had led him to the Lord 17 years ago was the pastor of the church. He preached at Briant's funeral and praised him. When Briant met the Lord he was never cold, he was always on fire for the Lord. His friends came from far away to dismiss the duel. Many said, "We have never seen such faith before." On his tombstone we put, "The dead in Christ will rise first ... Come Lord Jesus!" He has not yet grown cold, even in his tomb he testifies that he believed.
The Lord's Provision
In the meantime, we called the attorney to cancel the Chapter 13 bankruptcy meeting. I had about $ 150,000 in debt and $ 90,000 from two insurance policies.
During this tumultuous experience, I remembered the transitions of the convent. If God got me out of all that confusion and sorrows, He can get me out of this crisis. The family came to the funeral to fulfill their social obligations. Communication had ceased since we were converted to the Gospel. When I refused to work outside the home while Briant was unemployed for seven and a half years, they could only put a strain on our relationship. Our help came from God, who made heaven and earth. I was convinced that God did not want me to return to work outside the home, I just waited on Him to see what His will was.
After negotiating for months, the bankruptcy attorney was able to reduce the mortgage from $ 125,000 to $ 82,000. While the insurance was only for $ 90,000, it was made clear that Briant's death had provided for the home to remain in operation. The company he worked with paid for the funeral expenses according to employee compensation and sent $ 10,000 a month after his death. I continued to deliver the newspapers like nates did. Instead of a child delivering the newspaper, he was now an adult. I replaced my son for being in the penalty of death for his father. I never dreamed that I would provide before and after Briant's death for our survival.
Since Briant died working, I was able to get workers' benefits, which along with social security benefits and a small compensation from the company that helped him for fifteen years, this helped me continue in the classes at home and stop distributing the newspaper.
The deep pain in my heart from leaving the convent and what I thought was the best way to serve God turned into a joyful praise to God for all the things He had provided for me then. I have been the most gracious recipient over the years for all the experiences I have had. The role of wife and mother, academic teacher in my home, Bible teacher for women and children in Sunday school, founder and coordinator of a support group and teacher in free time in two Christian schools have been my compensation for the loss of my husband. During this time, I trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, in His grace and in the power of His blood for my salvation and sanctification. This simplified my experience tremendously.
Don't go back
The road is narrow and few find it. Matthew 7:13. We must enter through the narrow door and look at Jesus alone, the author and finisher of faith. We must be constantly in his Word, because "faith comes by hearing the Word of God" (Romans 10:17). We must launch ourselves deeply to believe in God for everything, the just will live by faith. His mercy is new every morning, great is His mercy ”(Lamentations 3:23). "And being convinced of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1: 6). "For it is God who produces in you both to will and to do, by his good will" (Philippians 2:13).
At one point my husband shared a paraphrased Scripture when he said; "I'm walking in the water and I'm so far away that I can't go back." His conviction to keep his home as God intended despite setbacks has brought great blessings, material and spiritual to his family. We will always enjoy that blessing.
Trust and Obey
My oldest son is engaged to a Christian, they are both nineteen years old. Briant Jr. attends a computer school where he stays on the dean's roster. He works full time in an ambulance service as a Certified EMT. Together this couple plans to follow the values that we have taught them. "Mommy" we will stay at home and raise our children. Jesus will be Lord of conception. My son has emphatically said that there was no fear of bad times there. He knows that faith is the answer to God's provision "God will continue to help his remnant" as his father used to say. We have, as the hymn very well says, “trust and obey, because there is no other way in Jesus, nothing but trust and obey.
There are times when I think in comparative terms in relation to the life of Joseph in Genesis. There are so many pieces of the puzzle that it will be exhausting for the meaning of my life. But “I know who I have believed, and I am sure that he is able to save my deposit for that day. (II Tim. 1:12). He has counted each of my hairs and has ordered each of my days before any of them existed. From eternity my life has been programmed. Great is his faithfulness. His ways are not our ways, but his ways are perfect. I just have to trust Him with all my heart and not lean on my own prudence. He is creating his tapestry. I see the knots and the stitches on the back. He sees the finished and perfected work on the other side.
He has saved me from my sin only through His Son Jesus. He has freed me from the diabolical system of works that is the Catholic Church and has let me see that everything is by grace. Eternity would not be enough for me, it would not be long enough to thank and praise him for his wonderful works for the children of men. To God be the glory? Great things He has done and continues to do.
[Source: https://bereanbeacon.org/es/el-camino-del-laberinto/]
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